I’m Movin On

You know that moment when you’ve just decided enough is enough, things CANNOT stay the way they are, and you’re going to change shit, even if it kills you?  Yeah.  I’m there.  And that moment gave me the motivation I needed to get stuff started, get my ass moving, and start making our dreams and goals a reality.  One step at a time (I can’t handle a DAY at a time yet), but we’re doing it.  We’re moving on.  No more bitching about how bad it is and how good it could be.  Just action – to change it from what it is into what we want it to be.  And for the first time in a LONG time, I’m not only NOT hopeless, I’m actually hopeful. I’m not apathetic, I’m optimistic.  And determined like I can never remember being before in my life.  I look at our boys, and I want better for them, especially D – C has all he could want and need.  But I can’t sit around and have a pity party anymore.  I deserve better, Jeff deserves better, D deserves better… everyone I love deserves better.  And it’s up to us to make that happen.  So that’s what we’re doing.  Hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers that I stick with this.  I’m well known for starting strong, and then just… well, losing interest.  This isn’t a project though – it’s my life.  It’s my family’s life.  And together, we’re gonna make it happen.  Yesterday was filled with toxic people.  Today?  It won’t be.  And neither will tomorrow, or the days after.  I saw too clearly how they drag me down yesterday.  I do a good enough job of that on my own, I DON’T need my parents or so called “siblings” reminding me that I’ve never been good enough for them, I can’t be trusted, and I never WILL measure up.  My ex drilled that into me for 16 years and I walked out on his ass.  Why would I now allow others to do the same to me???  Why HAVE I been allowing it?  So… we’re moving on.  Life won’t be perfect when we get where we’re going.  But it WILL be better than it is where we are now.  There’s a few I’ll miss.  Very few.  But they’ve all been issued invitations to come visit once we’re on our feet, to see what it CAN be, instead of what they’re used to.   I’ve had enough, Jeff has had enough, and so has D.  We’re outta here.  (Not HERE here – this blog means a lot to me, and I’m going to start utilizing it for what it was meant – to better myself, to learn to believe in all those dreams that I gave up on long ago, to make me into the person I know I can be.  Not the one that I’m tired of being.

Yeah, that was a rant, sorry bout that.  But it needed to come out.  Now, it’s time to get my ass outside for some fresh air, then back here to cook Jeff a nice(ish) dinner, and start purging and tossing and packing.

As I mentioned on Twitter yesterday – UP FOR ADOPTION – 34yo female, comes with fiancee, 18yo son, 14yo disabled son with little time left with us, a kitty, and a shitload of baggage.  But even with all that?  We’re worth it.

 

“I’m Moving On”  Rascal Flatts

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

 

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Posted on February 22, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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